Through Thick and Thin #7 (September 25, 2002)
My New Second Job
or
Play Becomes Part of My Life Work
As I continue preparations for my upcoming weight loss surgery on October 24th, I'm learning and accepting that I now must take on a second job. Not to pay for the procedure, although it's not covered by my health insurance. And not as part of any career path. Rather, my new job is an absolutely vital precondition to my efforts to reclaim my body, restore my health, and prolong my life.
My new job is vigorous daily exercise. And it's become very clear that unless I perform this job with as much commitment and consistency as my others, I will squander my time, money and this precious opportunity on WLS. After all, what meaning will my other life work have if I don't live long enough to perform it?
For years I've enjoyed a tradition of setting clear, explicit and challenging goals in every area of my life ñ personal, family, professional, relationships and financial — on the first day of each new year. Then, on the next New Year's eve, I assess my successes and failures. And I've compiled a fantastic track record of meeting, exceeding or at least approaching all of these goals — with one notable exception. The same exception each year.
The one that reads something like this: "My health, healthy eating, exercise and fitness will be vital and integral aspects and assignments of my life every day, and balance my professional work. I will feel better and be more fit, weigh less, and experience more freedom and flexibility in movement. My diabetes and sleep apnea will be controlled, and will not impair my life or experience. I will exercise on a daily basis." Great sentiments and intentions. However, no follow through. So every New Year's eve I wallow in the same pit of frustration. And guilt, shame, remorse, humiliation, desperation, hopelessness and helplessness.
And of course I always have lots of good reasons. Compelling reasons, really, that almost convince me. Starting with my chronic body pain and the way that my lower back and legs start to hurt after 1/4 mile, and really get in the way after 1/2 mile. And continuing with the demands of my work, and my perfectionism, and earning a living to support my family, and having enough quality time with my wife and daughter and friends. Great reasons. And the path to my premature death has been paved with positive intentions and great excuses and rationalizations.
So when my WLS doctor insisted that I immediately begin a daily program of vigorous and sustained exercise in preparation for my WLS, and to promote my weight loss and fitness after it, I was ready with all the explanations of how I was already doing the best I could, and how I would continue, in very good faith, to keep trying. He wasn't buying. And this time, neither was I.
He suggested water aerobics. Starting the next day. Well, the next day stretched into a few weeks. And that gave me lots of time to catalogue and document all of the excellent reasons why water aerobics wasn't for me. It wouldn't give me as much of a workout as walking. (Wrong: it turns out that my 55 minute workout, given the extra resistance offered by the water, gives me a far greater aerobic workout than walking or other on-land activities.) The participants would be all women, and mostly old women (pretty much true, but that's become part of the pleasure of it, and I have the locker room to myself). The music would be awful and the rah-rah spirit depressing. (The music is growing on me, and the instructors have been very kind and don't resemble Richard Simmons at all.) Morning water aerobics would delay the start of my work day and therefore increase my stress. (Wrong again. I feel so much better and more relaxed afterward that I'm now far more productive in far less time.) And it would be too expensive. (At $3/day, it's far more economical than soda, tobacco or fast food, and the cost-benefit ratio is extraordinary.)
So I'm now enjoying my second week of daily water aerobics, and I'm feeling great and loving it! Once the endorphins kick in, I experience a wonderful natural high. And what a joy it is to finally jettison that heavy daily burden of guilt and self-loathing that I experienced every day I failed, yet again, to fulfill my commitment to myself. And I've learned, or relearned, some very important lessons:
- That what I most resist is usually exactly what I most need to do;
- That taking care of my body, my health and myself is truly my Job 1; and
- That if I don't survive, nothing else — neither my relationships nor my dreams, intentions, goals, projects, or plans — matters much
I'm already looking forward to next New Year's eve, when for the first time since I started making my lists and checking it twice, EVERY one of my resolutions will be checked! And breaking this barrier gives me so much hope that my WLS will empower me to reach my body-health-fitness goal, and that, one day at a time, I can and will do what it takes to live, healthy and long.
Glenn
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