Through Thick and Thin #8 (October 20, 2002)
Imagining A Life Where My Weight Doesn't Run Me
As I Pass To The Other Side
After months of waiting and imagining, my WLS on October 24th is just days away. I've been busy completing my work commitments; pursuing emotional closure with family and friends (I don't want to leave anything unsaid, just in case); visualizing my successful surgery and recovery; completing preparations for life post-op (ordering protein powders, planning nutritional choices and an exercise program); and gathering up and focusing 100% of my physical, emotional and spiritual energies upon surviving the surgery and emerging on the other side.
My style is not to immerse myself in my fears and anxieties until I'm on the table, and then to turn my life and this process over to my God, a Power greater than myself. And I feel absolutely confident in my doctor and my choice, and absolutely confident that my strong body, my powerful heart, my love for my wife, daughter, family and friends, and a beneficent Universe will get me through to start the rest of my life, and my new existence as a healthy, fit, vigorous man.
I find myself thinking more and more about something one of my email group correspondents noted early in our dialogue. It was a simple statement, and it blew me away. It led to the kind of transformative "paradigm shift" in my world view that changes everything for me. She observed that there will come a time, within the first two years after my WLS, when my weight will no longer be a primary, defining or limiting issue in my life. When my obesity will no longer threaten my health, dominate my fears, mass produce my guilt and shame, or top my wish list.
I have a pretty fertile and resourceful imagination, but imaging this stopped me in my tracks. My mind knows that this is true. My heart continues its skeptical resistance. And, of course, this is precisely the outcome that has led me to pursue my surgery. So I'm going to "act as if" I already believe that this is my future and my destiny, until the day I can drop the act and live and thrive in the reality. Even then, I know I'll want to devote considerable time to sharing my experience, hope and outcomes with others still struggling or suffering.
And in the meantime I intend to notice and record and later write about every aspect — physical, emotional, spiritual and practical — of my surgery, recuperation and recovery, and then to share my experience, feelings and observations with you in my future post-op journalings and newsletters. I don't know how long it will be before I can resume my writing, but I'm looking forward with great joy and excitement to continuing our dialogue from the other side.
Glenn
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