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Through Thick and Thin #34 (November 15, 2003)
Falling Off The Wagon And Getting Right Back On
or
Beware That Slippery Slope!
The other shoe finally dropped. It wasn't until the last two weeks of my first year after Weight Loss Surgery that I slipped and "fell off the wagon". It's not like I started eating like a madman, like my Former Self. It was more a matter of getting sloppy, taking things for granted, and relaxing what had been, until then, my 24/7 vigilance. By the time that I was restored to a state of full consciousness, I had gained back five of my 160 pounds, so painstakingly and painfully shed during my first year post-op.
In the clarity of hindsight, I can see clearly how I stepped off my path. First, I must admit that I sometimes indulge in a bit of self-pity, albeit as briefly as I can manage it. While 100% of WLS patients experience some kind of limitation on the foods they can eat and tolerate, I'm one of what seems to be a fairly small minority of WLSers who are very severely limited in their food choices. Most days I do pretty well with accepting what I can't, and enjoying what I can. In many ways, I find the limitations on my choices to be a comfort and relief, and I do well with boring and routine. It helps me focus on the Fuel, and disengage from the Food.
 Unfortunately, over the course of the year, I've discovered a few naughty treats that even my Testy Tummy will tolerate. And so, from time to time, I've indulged in my own customized version of the dreaded Soft Calorie Syndrome. In the weeks leading up to my long-anticipated first WLS anniversary, I reverted to the kind of "celebration" that led me to my health crisis, morbid obesity and Weight Loss Surgery granting myself one of these treats most nights.
Second, around the same time, the weather in the Pacific Northwest turned cold, wet and uncomfortable. Again, I cut myself some slack, and shortened my daily outdoor mega-walks.
That's all it took. A few hundred extra calories a day consumed; a few hundred fewer calories a day burned. Simple math — and the difference between continuing my weight loss and pursuit of my ideal weight (so close now!), and starting to put it back on.
The good news is how I responded when I figured out what had been going on. I wasn't even tempted to blame and shame myself, or to extend my Vacation from Vigilance. I immediately stepped back, observed myself, and shifted into action. I logged and limited my caloric intake, going back to the eating plan that had worked so well for me and brought me to this point. I lengthened and ratcheted up my daily workouts. I cleansed my house of the treats. And, voila! As if my magic, the extra pounds hurried off and I've resumed my Losing Ways.
The episode scared me, but it also offered me some precious gifts starting with humility and the slap-in-the-face reminder to stay awake, stay aware and stay off of the Pity Pot. I also reaped the thrill of successfully using my new tools and strategies to first stop, and then remedy, my setback. And I feel so strong, proud and assured because I turned it around and now know that I CAN, whenever I must.
This was a very cheap lesson, and I'm grateful for it. I gained confidence for my future by climbing right back onto that proverbial wagon and driving on full-speed ahead. I KNOW now, in a way that I never did before, that I will NEVER AGAIN slide back into obesity.
Glenn
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