Through Thick and Thin #4 (August 26, 2002)

Preparing for My Weight Loss Surgery

or

Food As Fuel — Not Drama, Mama, Karma or Trauma!

Tomorrow is my long-awaited and eagerly anticipated appointment with my doctor to decide which form of weight loss surgery I will have, and to schedule the date. I'm excited, ready and anxious. Once I decided to have the surgery, I wanted it over and done with immediately. Patience has never been one of my character assetsJ But I've tried to put this mandatory waiting period (a prudent "cooling off" period to prevent "buyer's remorse") to good use, by doing what I can to prepare for my gastric bypass -- and my blessed deliverance from my dysfunctional appetite regulator.

I've created this website and my periodic newsletters. I've joined several email groups to begin a dialogue with other folks who have had weight loss surgery. I've sought out locals who have had the procedure or who plan to. (I've been thrilled to find that we now have enough WLS survivors, even in our small rural community at the "top left" of the map, to create our own support group.) I've been walking as far as my body and pain permits, most days of the week. I've continued eating well and with care. I've even watched (and enjoyed, despite my negative prejudgments) the recent movie "Shallow Hal", which deals with some aspects of obesity. But most of all, I've been doing a lot of thinking about this totally new concept of "food as fuel" that I expect will dominate my post-surgery awareness and experience.

I'm totally intrigued, and deeply challenged, by this notion: that with my little, redesigned stomach pouch I'll just be eating food for nutrition, and to sustain and fuel my body. Not for all of the other reasons that I've always consumed and devoured excessive amounts. You probably know the list: food for comfort; food for solace; food for company; food for celebration; food for ups or downs; food for the kinetic experience and satisfactions; food to quench my insatiable appetite and fill my bottomless emotional pit; food to stop the emotional pain; and food to literally stop the hunger pangs. Food has supplied so much of my life's drama, sometimes played the role of a nurturing Mama, seemed to be an preordained part of my Karma, and been the source of much of my life trauma.

For today, as I look forward to my surgery, I like the idea of leaving this all behind. Of being liberated from the burdens and perils of choice. I like the notion of liquid protein drinks. Of eating small, regular portions to fuel my body. Of limiting, by gastric necessity, my sugar and fat consumption. Of letting go of all of the emotional content and connotations of food.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm a big fan and advocate of personal choice. My belief is that I choose my attitude and my frame of reference; that I control what I do with my hands, mouth and feet; and that I essentially create my own experience and results by the choices I make and the attitudes I choose. But when it comes to food, the abundance of choices can overwhelm, bewilder, bedazzle, and ensnare me. For today, I like the idea of removing food from its traditional emotional context, and just filling up my pouch when and as I need it. Leaving my obsessions with tastes and textures behind, along with my outsized body weight.

It feels essential to me to make this mental and emotional switch before I have the surgery. Maybe I'll find that this is all nonsense. Maybe I'll find myself yearning for wider choices and for more room in my stomach. But I don't think so.

As I continue to envision a new, thinner, fitter, healthier me, I'm preparing for my surgery and these outcomes. And, for today, I'm fueled with hope.

I'd welcome hearing from any of you who can relate to my story, my sharing, or my musings.

Glenn

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Copyright, © 2003, Glenn Goldberg. All rights reserved.